So I found this very old, somewhat ominous gem while traipsing lazily through my poetic past...and I just had to share it. It's from my creative writing class my sophomore year, & I believe the assignment was to use the refrain "You'll get cold"...I kinda like the morbid, yet vague approach I took for that. Haha.
Twilight
The light will set
Across the water
Behind the waves
Beyond the ocean
And that horizon
Will then grow darker
And fill the earth
With shades of gray
The stars will appear
As the sun falls away
Elongated shadows
And purple hues
You’ll get cold
As the darkness reaches you
You’ll get cold
As it touches your skin
You’ll get cold
When the light, it leaves you
And you’re left by yourself again.
The light will leave
And watch you stumble
It won’t return
Pale and grasping air
The hope postponed
Your heart unfeeling
Selfish, closed
Your mind unclean
The bright sparkle
Will then extinguish
Behind your eyes
Now lightless, consumed.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Destination: Beautiful.
Sometimes I like to see songs as conversations.
"Sun"
Mae
"I'm a mess, I guess.
It's what I've asked for; it's what I've needed.
Well, you know me better than that,
or at least you did, then something happened.
But once again, well, something's happened.
The confidence you held in us is
the rope we almost hung ourselves with.
At times I wonder if we really took the steps
to break right through it.
I know that there were better days -
but to see the light and to feel the rays?
Life was always back and forth
and we were idling, or making useless progress.
Waiting for the rain to stop,
destination: beautiful.
Seems that I'm still waiting for the sun.
Someday we'll come back to us. If you're willing, let it go.
Why won't you just let this be your sun?
It seems like yesterday we had the world our way,
but some (whoa) say we're headed for destruction..."
"I'll ask you, 'What in the world should we do?'
This light is green; our break is through.
Are we not trying? Or we're trying too hard...
Well, you know I never want to miss,
I hold on tight and reminisce.
But it's bittersweet to me.
When time stands still as it's trapped inside
the letterbox you gave back to me.
But I'm the one who keeps on reading.
But I'm the one who wants to let it go.
I'm the first to speak
and you're the last to know.
Another scene that we're creating;
I need to know if we're still making useless progress.
Waiting for the rain to stop,
destination: beautiful.
Seems that I'm still waiting for the sun.
Someday we'll come back to us. If you're willing, let it go.
Why won't you just let this be your sun?
It seems like yesterday we had the world our way,
but some (whoa) say we're headed for destruction..."
"Sun"
Mae
"I'm a mess, I guess.
It's what I've asked for; it's what I've needed.
Well, you know me better than that,
or at least you did, then something happened.
But once again, well, something's happened.
The confidence you held in us is
the rope we almost hung ourselves with.
At times I wonder if we really took the steps
to break right through it.
I know that there were better days -
but to see the light and to feel the rays?
Life was always back and forth
and we were idling, or making useless progress.
Waiting for the rain to stop,
destination: beautiful.
Seems that I'm still waiting for the sun.
Someday we'll come back to us. If you're willing, let it go.
Why won't you just let this be your sun?
It seems like yesterday we had the world our way,
but some (whoa) say we're headed for destruction..."
"I'll ask you, 'What in the world should we do?'
This light is green; our break is through.
Are we not trying? Or we're trying too hard...
Well, you know I never want to miss,
I hold on tight and reminisce.
But it's bittersweet to me.
When time stands still as it's trapped inside
the letterbox you gave back to me.
But I'm the one who keeps on reading.
But I'm the one who wants to let it go.
I'm the first to speak
and you're the last to know.
Another scene that we're creating;
I need to know if we're still making useless progress.
Waiting for the rain to stop,
destination: beautiful.
Seems that I'm still waiting for the sun.
Someday we'll come back to us. If you're willing, let it go.
Why won't you just let this be your sun?
It seems like yesterday we had the world our way,
but some (whoa) say we're headed for destruction..."
Friday, July 9, 2010
Promises, Promises
Sunday, July 4, 2010 was a great, great day in history. Firstly, it was a national holiday, etc. etc. But the day was just so completely blessed from the very beginning. God showed His hand in so many ways, and I could almost literally feel the Spirit moving in the lives of everyone around me.
At church, I got to see my high school friends freshly returned from their week-long Christian conference, closer to God and each other. I got to witness the baptisms of two good friends of mine - sisters - and that was an amazing privilege. I went to a friend's house for Independence Day celebrations, and learned of another incredible culmination/next step of God's plan for people I really care about, and that was such a blessing. I was so filled with joy that I didn't know what to do with myself!
The weather was one of my favorites: late afternoon, sprinkling lightly every now and then, big epic clouds filling the sky, the sun still determinedly shining brightly through. Perfect rainbow weather, I thought, but there was no way we'd actually see one when we were surrounded by tall trees and houses.
Then the rain faded out, and I saw it: a full rainbow was arching over a clump of trees, right in direct view of everyone in the large backyard. It was bright, it was clear, and perfectly positioned for us. I put my sunglasses on for contrast, and I saw the faint outline of a double rainbow above it, invisible to the naked eye, to anyone not looking for it.
Maybe it's my Christian school upbringing, but I've always seen rainbows as a sign of God's promises (aka Noah's Ark). To see one on this day, after everything else, felt like a kiss from heaven...like God was saying, "Yeah, that was all me. Isn't it beautiful?" "Things can change if you trust me." "Life is beautiful because I make it so." "It's always the clearest and brightest after dark uncertainty." and a bajillion other symbolic, wonderful things that I don't even know yet. The rainbow stayed for a good half an hour, and I sat there and attempted to soak in His overwhelming goodness.
My friend Avery posted this video on my wall as half joke, half admiration for how completely overwhelmed this guy was at the rainbow in front of his house on Yosemitebear Mountain. Honestly, I think it's a universal thing to feel so incredibly awed by the beauty that a rainbow like this brings, no matter who we are. It kinda brings us closer to God whether we want it to or not...whether we recognize it as His signature sign of blessing and promise or as a mere refraction of light.
This guy just can't get over the blessing he's been given right in front of his eyes ("Why me? what does it mean? A full double rainbow in my front yard! To watch...what does it mean??"), and while his response is somewhat repetitive and can seem like an overreaction, I encourage you to watch the whole thing. I think the strength of his reaction makes a great point: beauty like this has the power to move us to tears...and to bring us to our knees with thanks.
At church, I got to see my high school friends freshly returned from their week-long Christian conference, closer to God and each other. I got to witness the baptisms of two good friends of mine - sisters - and that was an amazing privilege. I went to a friend's house for Independence Day celebrations, and learned of another incredible culmination/next step of God's plan for people I really care about, and that was such a blessing. I was so filled with joy that I didn't know what to do with myself!
The weather was one of my favorites: late afternoon, sprinkling lightly every now and then, big epic clouds filling the sky, the sun still determinedly shining brightly through. Perfect rainbow weather, I thought, but there was no way we'd actually see one when we were surrounded by tall trees and houses.
Then the rain faded out, and I saw it: a full rainbow was arching over a clump of trees, right in direct view of everyone in the large backyard. It was bright, it was clear, and perfectly positioned for us. I put my sunglasses on for contrast, and I saw the faint outline of a double rainbow above it, invisible to the naked eye, to anyone not looking for it.
Maybe it's my Christian school upbringing, but I've always seen rainbows as a sign of God's promises (aka Noah's Ark). To see one on this day, after everything else, felt like a kiss from heaven...like God was saying, "Yeah, that was all me. Isn't it beautiful?" "Things can change if you trust me." "Life is beautiful because I make it so." "It's always the clearest and brightest after dark uncertainty." and a bajillion other symbolic, wonderful things that I don't even know yet. The rainbow stayed for a good half an hour, and I sat there and attempted to soak in His overwhelming goodness.
My friend Avery posted this video on my wall as half joke, half admiration for how completely overwhelmed this guy was at the rainbow in front of his house on Yosemitebear Mountain. Honestly, I think it's a universal thing to feel so incredibly awed by the beauty that a rainbow like this brings, no matter who we are. It kinda brings us closer to God whether we want it to or not...whether we recognize it as His signature sign of blessing and promise or as a mere refraction of light.
This guy just can't get over the blessing he's been given right in front of his eyes ("Why me? what does it mean? A full double rainbow in my front yard! To watch...what does it mean??"), and while his response is somewhat repetitive and can seem like an overreaction, I encourage you to watch the whole thing. I think the strength of his reaction makes a great point: beauty like this has the power to move us to tears...and to bring us to our knees with thanks.
A Day-Brightener :)
Story of my life? In a simple, homey, chill way...yeah, actually. :) This song has this kind of understated, reflective hope that just makes me feel like life is good, and that everything's gonna be okay. It's simultaneously wistful and reassuring; I don't know how he does it. I'm telling you, I'm becoming a fan of this kid! Haha. Anyhow, I hope this brightens up your day as much as it did mine. (I recommend listening to it for full effect.) If your day was already happy, well...I hope this just makes it even better! =]
"Sunny Afternoons"
Chase Coy
1, 2, 3, 4:
The winter days have gone away
and carried with them all the shades of gray.
I am waking up, and I just realized
the world is waking up with me.
The golden sun starts shining through my window,
and I just enjoy the view.
I say goodbye to snowy skies
and say hello to sunny afternoons.
Days like this make me miss the summer evenings.
We were younger then,
and everything was easy.
I just want them back,
but you can’t relive the past;
I will never have them back again...
but I’m alright with that.
Those lonely days have gone away
and carried with them all the memories.
I am starting over, and I just realized
the world is starting over with me.
The golden sun starts shining through my window,
and I just enjoy the view.
I say goodbye to cloudy skies
and say hello to sunny afternoons
Days like this make me miss the summer evenings.
We were younger then,
and everything was easy.
I just want them back,
but you can’t relive the past;
I will never have them back again...
but I’m alright with that.
"Sunny Afternoons"
Chase Coy
1, 2, 3, 4:
The winter days have gone away
and carried with them all the shades of gray.
I am waking up, and I just realized
the world is waking up with me.
The golden sun starts shining through my window,
and I just enjoy the view.
I say goodbye to snowy skies
and say hello to sunny afternoons.
Days like this make me miss the summer evenings.
We were younger then,
and everything was easy.
I just want them back,
but you can’t relive the past;
I will never have them back again...
but I’m alright with that.
Those lonely days have gone away
and carried with them all the memories.
I am starting over, and I just realized
the world is starting over with me.
The golden sun starts shining through my window,
and I just enjoy the view.
I say goodbye to cloudy skies
and say hello to sunny afternoons
Days like this make me miss the summer evenings.
We were younger then,
and everything was easy.
I just want them back,
but you can’t relive the past;
I will never have them back again...
but I’m alright with that.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I mayyy or may not be in love.
Okay, not really. I just discovered a new musical interest...but I mean, COME ON. Just look at him. Or better yet, listen to his stuff. :)
Chase Coy, age 19. At first, I was pretty critical of his apparent Drake Bell/Adam Young combo imitation method, but upon investigation, I found that he is
a) distinctive enough, both in sound and personality
b) freaking adorable
c) a HUGE Adam Young fan (and rightfully so)
d) personally invested in both his music and his fans,
e) underground enough not to be obnoxious, and
f)...did i already say adorable?
Granted, 90% of his fans are girls because...well, obvs. But he's no Biebster; he's got real talent, and what I believe to be a recognizable songwriter's soul. Something about the peaceful, wistful nature of his music makes me feel like taking the scenic route, doing things the slow and steady way...taking time to sort out what's really important, what I really want. It feels and sounds like going home - being home, with a familiar type of reflection associated with sitting on one's front porch and looking out at the sunset. His thoughtful melodies make me picture open fields, the sun on a whitewashed railing, dusty shoes by the stairs...calming, homey things. Though very similar to Adam Young in regards to making most of his music out of his parents' basement, he definitely has a uniqueness about him that's pretty intriguing, to me at least.
This is what he has to say about his new album, "Picturesque":
"This record has turned out to be more than I ever expected it to be. After stepping out of my basement, I embarked on a journey that has helped me grow both as a person and as a musician; I have met new friends, seen new places, and been able to pursue a vision for my music that I had only dreamt of in my little basement in Indiana.
The result is something that I hope will both move and inspire you; something that you can find beauty in, and that will give you hope. I hope that it will restore your faith in love if you've lost it, and most of all, I hope that by listening to it you will learn more about yourself and the world around you. These songs are my thoughts and feelings; my memories and my rescue when I need it most. This is the music that helps me make sense of the world when nothing else can, and I only hope that it can do the same for you."
Chase Coy, age 19. At first, I was pretty critical of his apparent Drake Bell/Adam Young combo imitation method, but upon investigation, I found that he is
a) distinctive enough, both in sound and personality
b) freaking adorable
c) a HUGE Adam Young fan (and rightfully so)
d) personally invested in both his music and his fans,
e) underground enough not to be obnoxious, and
f)...did i already say adorable?
Granted, 90% of his fans are girls because...well, obvs. But he's no Biebster; he's got real talent, and what I believe to be a recognizable songwriter's soul. Something about the peaceful, wistful nature of his music makes me feel like taking the scenic route, doing things the slow and steady way...taking time to sort out what's really important, what I really want. It feels and sounds like going home - being home, with a familiar type of reflection associated with sitting on one's front porch and looking out at the sunset. His thoughtful melodies make me picture open fields, the sun on a whitewashed railing, dusty shoes by the stairs...calming, homey things. Though very similar to Adam Young in regards to making most of his music out of his parents' basement, he definitely has a uniqueness about him that's pretty intriguing, to me at least.
This is what he has to say about his new album, "Picturesque":
"This record has turned out to be more than I ever expected it to be. After stepping out of my basement, I embarked on a journey that has helped me grow both as a person and as a musician; I have met new friends, seen new places, and been able to pursue a vision for my music that I had only dreamt of in my little basement in Indiana.
The result is something that I hope will both move and inspire you; something that you can find beauty in, and that will give you hope. I hope that it will restore your faith in love if you've lost it, and most of all, I hope that by listening to it you will learn more about yourself and the world around you. These songs are my thoughts and feelings; my memories and my rescue when I need it most. This is the music that helps me make sense of the world when nothing else can, and I only hope that it can do the same for you."
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Opening the Box
So my dad and brother are cleaning out the garage, and came across a box of "mementos" from the old days. I assume the movers found a drawer with an unclassifiable assortment of junk, wrapped it in paper as best as they could, and boxed it up, because there is the most RANDOM stuff imaginable inside.
Among these treasures are:
1) my binder from 6th grade English. It took me awhile to decipher the nonsensical, drama-filled scribblings, but of course I had to try - the vows of undying affection to various nicknames are PRICELESS. Not to mention everyone's horrendous grammar...oh, the irony.
2) a few torn-out journal entries that CRACK ME UP. Stream of consciousness, anyone? My favorite and the longest begins with "my life is complicated. i'm only 14 and i could write a book."
3) a broken clay figure from art class that looks as though its state of "some assembly required" is intentional...but no, I just didn't fasten the limbs well enough.
4) a smudged and burned Blind Guardian CD *and* a shiny WOW CD in its case. Ah, the music of a Denbigh childhood.
5) the comic book (errr, binder?) that I wrote in 4th grade. Although it does make me laugh, it's not at all comical...I cringe horribly every time I open it.
6) my old Busch pass! Oh, the memories...:)
7. my old red & black Converse high-tops, complete w/ little Sharpie hearts and stars on the toes. I'm actually kind of excited about this one; I had wondered where they had disappeared to.
Ladies and gentlemen, my childhood - or rather, my junior high and freshman years. It's kinda funny looking back at what defines a person in their most vulnerable (not to mention hormonal) times. It's also crazy how much about those years I had blocked out from my memory...but looking back, that was actually probably the most favorable course of action at the time. There was so much emotion and confusion, I'm surprised I didn't have a meltdown (although I'm sure I had my fair share of those, come to think of it). A part of me wants to be cheesy and say that if only I had known then what I know now, life would have been so much different/better/easier. But I also know that without those feelings of hurt and resentment, the fears of neglect and nonacceptance, and the confusion that surrounded it all, I wouldn't have sought so desperately for an answer.
Think about your middle school/junior high days. Wasn't it then that you were either willing to feel the Spirit with your whole heart, or truly felt the darkness of a world without Him? I find that middle schoolers are so much more in tune with their emotions that they run wholeheartedly to whatever fulfills them - they tend to be extreme one way or the other. Granted, that can lead to terribly tragedy...but I'm also thinking of Acquire the Fire, where I encountered God being there for ME and loving ME for the first time. Insufficient, downtrodden, misunderstood me. See, it's much easier to recognize one's depravity at that age - usually the pride hasn't quite kicked in yet. We already knew how awful we were, we just needed someone to love us.
I didn't experience a lot of closeness with God in those years, but when I did, it was absolutely unforgettable. That wholeheartedness, that inner rebellion against apathy (note: INNER...a 7th grader would often like nothing more than for you to believe he's rebelling by BEING apathetic) is wonderfully refreshing, and leads to a fantastic opportunity for ministry.
I guess what I'm saying is that the more I let myself remember and relive those times, the more God seems to be putting that age group on my heart. I don't know what that'll look like yet, but I've started thinking and praying about whether my major should change, what classes I should look into, etc. It's really caused me to examine both my memories and myself.
It's amazing what God can do with a cardboard box of addled memories.
Among these treasures are:
1) my binder from 6th grade English. It took me awhile to decipher the nonsensical, drama-filled scribblings, but of course I had to try - the vows of undying affection to various nicknames are PRICELESS. Not to mention everyone's horrendous grammar...oh, the irony.
2) a few torn-out journal entries that CRACK ME UP. Stream of consciousness, anyone? My favorite and the longest begins with "my life is complicated. i'm only 14 and i could write a book."
3) a broken clay figure from art class that looks as though its state of "some assembly required" is intentional...but no, I just didn't fasten the limbs well enough.
4) a smudged and burned Blind Guardian CD *and* a shiny WOW CD in its case. Ah, the music of a Denbigh childhood.
5) the comic book (errr, binder?) that I wrote in 4th grade. Although it does make me laugh, it's not at all comical...I cringe horribly every time I open it.
6) my old Busch pass! Oh, the memories...:)
7. my old red & black Converse high-tops, complete w/ little Sharpie hearts and stars on the toes. I'm actually kind of excited about this one; I had wondered where they had disappeared to.
Ladies and gentlemen, my childhood - or rather, my junior high and freshman years. It's kinda funny looking back at what defines a person in their most vulnerable (not to mention hormonal) times. It's also crazy how much about those years I had blocked out from my memory...but looking back, that was actually probably the most favorable course of action at the time. There was so much emotion and confusion, I'm surprised I didn't have a meltdown (although I'm sure I had my fair share of those, come to think of it). A part of me wants to be cheesy and say that if only I had known then what I know now, life would have been so much different/better/easier. But I also know that without those feelings of hurt and resentment, the fears of neglect and nonacceptance, and the confusion that surrounded it all, I wouldn't have sought so desperately for an answer.
Think about your middle school/junior high days. Wasn't it then that you were either willing to feel the Spirit with your whole heart, or truly felt the darkness of a world without Him? I find that middle schoolers are so much more in tune with their emotions that they run wholeheartedly to whatever fulfills them - they tend to be extreme one way or the other. Granted, that can lead to terribly tragedy...but I'm also thinking of Acquire the Fire, where I encountered God being there for ME and loving ME for the first time. Insufficient, downtrodden, misunderstood me. See, it's much easier to recognize one's depravity at that age - usually the pride hasn't quite kicked in yet. We already knew how awful we were, we just needed someone to love us.
I didn't experience a lot of closeness with God in those years, but when I did, it was absolutely unforgettable. That wholeheartedness, that inner rebellion against apathy (note: INNER...a 7th grader would often like nothing more than for you to believe he's rebelling by BEING apathetic) is wonderfully refreshing, and leads to a fantastic opportunity for ministry.
I guess what I'm saying is that the more I let myself remember and relive those times, the more God seems to be putting that age group on my heart. I don't know what that'll look like yet, but I've started thinking and praying about whether my major should change, what classes I should look into, etc. It's really caused me to examine both my memories and myself.
It's amazing what God can do with a cardboard box of addled memories.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Always Running Out Of Time
Much of today was spent in the glorious company of Cadena, my Gibson Maestro...it was lovely. :) The only downside is that spending hours with her turns into MORE hours, until I am very sleepy. And yet I still have much to say, and an entry has yet to be written! However, tonight's will be a lyric reflection.
This song was written in association with Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland, and I like it a lot for many reasons. Mostly, I find that it describes so accurately the daily slipping away of our most precious commodity: time. Usually almost imperceptible until hindsight, the accidental and regrettable loss of time can be a pretty harsh reality. Since I've been acknowledging it more readily in my own life, I've been slowly learning to both recognize trivial time-wasters and treasure this unique gift of minutes, hours, and days.
"Always Running Out Of Time"
Motion City Soundtrack
"I won't tell you how to live your life,
so please stay far away from mine.
Always watching out for 'which' and 'whether's,
always running out of time.
Drip drap,
Peeling back the skin of summer;
autumns, everything aligns.
Inside out and roundabout,
my heart is always running out of time!
Always running out of time...
I have to know
if you'll float away with me.
The faster I go,
the further away it seems you get!
Are we floating nowhere yet?
Drip drop,
try to stop the forward motion;
all hands tend to fall behind.
Wasted 'whether's of the 'which' cuts deeper,
Always running out of time!
Always running out of time...
I have to know
if you'll float away with me.
The faster I go,
the further away it seems you get...
With all of me white
and all of her red,
I should have stayed,
but I lost my head.
With all of our rhymes
divorcing themselves,
I should have stayed,
but I lost my head.
I should have stayed,
but I lost myself.
Always running out of time. (Always running out of time)
Always running out of time. (Always running out of time)
Always running out of time. (Always running out of time)
Always running out of time. (Always running out of time)..."
This song was written in association with Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland, and I like it a lot for many reasons. Mostly, I find that it describes so accurately the daily slipping away of our most precious commodity: time. Usually almost imperceptible until hindsight, the accidental and regrettable loss of time can be a pretty harsh reality. Since I've been acknowledging it more readily in my own life, I've been slowly learning to both recognize trivial time-wasters and treasure this unique gift of minutes, hours, and days.
"Always Running Out Of Time"
Motion City Soundtrack
"I won't tell you how to live your life,
so please stay far away from mine.
Always watching out for 'which' and 'whether's,
always running out of time.
Drip drap,
Peeling back the skin of summer;
autumns, everything aligns.
Inside out and roundabout,
my heart is always running out of time!
Always running out of time...
I have to know
if you'll float away with me.
The faster I go,
the further away it seems you get!
Are we floating nowhere yet?
Drip drop,
try to stop the forward motion;
all hands tend to fall behind.
Wasted 'whether's of the 'which' cuts deeper,
Always running out of time!
Always running out of time...
I have to know
if you'll float away with me.
The faster I go,
the further away it seems you get...
With all of me white
and all of her red,
I should have stayed,
but I lost my head.
With all of our rhymes
divorcing themselves,
I should have stayed,
but I lost my head.
I should have stayed,
but I lost myself.
Always running out of time. (Always running out of time)
Always running out of time. (Always running out of time)
Always running out of time. (Always running out of time)
Always running out of time. (Always running out of time)..."
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