Five months.
It's been almost FIVE MONTHS since my last entry...that blows my mind! Time got away from me, as did my commitment to keeping this blog on a weekly, if not daily basis (clearly). A couple of friends asked me months ago if was going to keep writing entries, but my life was so full that writing took a backseat to classes, homework, projects, conversations, crises, rehearsals, meetings, practices, events, and other various commitments that filled the days of my spring semester. I hope that coming back to writing will be a permanent and continual change. My inspiration and reasoning behind keeping this blog has been renewed, and I sincerely hope that stays with me.
Something else that took up some time toward the end of the school year was a discovery that I made about myself: the beautiful and extraordinary discovery of music. Not that I didn't enjoy music before; on the contrary, I've always had a special place in my heart for music as a unique language of the soul. No, the discovery was that I didn't just understand this language...I spoke it. Or rather, I was capable of "speaking", or communicating, in and through music. I knew that I sometimes love through the application of lyrics, but I never guessed that I could actually produce original music from my heart that made sense to the rest of the world.
This hesitant realization threw me for a complete loop and opened up a whole realm of possibilities and questions that I had and still have no idea how to handle. I mostly questioned the authenticity of this gift of music - whether it really was a gift, or just a hobby. I still ask myself those kinds of questions, but I've also started acting on my "musical instincts", if you will, with the hope that it's the former...that my music is a legitimate pursuit. To really pursue the songwriting and recording lifestyle, I really have to want it as a primary focus of my life. I've been doing a lot of self-searching to attempt to decipher the tangle that is my ambition, replugging and dusting in places where it needs it, and experimenting to find the way I was originally wired. It's been pretty tricky to try to find the right combination of passions and priorities that allows me to work as I was designed and intended.
Overall, I've been doing a ton of introspection this year, especially in the realm of music. One thing that helps this journey more than anything else is the presence of sunlight, which is always, ALWAYS more conducive to self-discovery, in my opinion. Except for maybe thunderstorms...I'm kind of a weather extremist.
Admittedly, my goals for the summer are a bit abstract...but I do know that they involve looking back on my life, being with people I love, enjoying warmth, songwriting, attempting to learn the art of guitar, and lots and lots of reflective thinking. Oh: and writing, of course! This blog will serve as a kind of outlet for my thinking, as well as a way to record the journey into myself and along my life's course.
And as nervous as I am to dive into this search for who I'm meant to be, I'm also incredibly excited...I can't wait to see what I find.
